Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Boobs are out for the taking
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
