did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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