i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
