dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
