Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
