Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
