Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
