There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
