The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
