He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
