hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
