You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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