I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
