pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
