oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
