He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
