just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
