is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
