Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
