i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
