i jhust puked up my retainher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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