Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
