FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
