I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
