Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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