id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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