Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
