I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think your dad took our porno
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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