I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
