Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
