He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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