After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
All the doctor said was why
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
