Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
