every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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