I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
