everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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