I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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