I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
