I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
