he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
