Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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