lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
