This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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