jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
