But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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