I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
