True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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