There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
