It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
