I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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