Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
