She is in my trunk
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
